Cute without the E

One of the things women sacrifice for their pregnancy is her body. Once you embrace the life growing inside of you, you let go of the slim, flawless body you have. Fine, they say you’ll get it back. But it’s never certain. It’s never the same.

Today was the first time I saw my incision. Yes. Two weeks I never dared to look or even touch it, even when it still had that something covering it. I was afraid I’ll feel the pain when I see it. Whenever I took a bath, I just let the liquid soap and the water flow pass it and let my sister clean the wound once I was done.

Earlier today, I finally had the guts to look down and check how my belly actually looks like. I even cleaned it myself. It was at its ugliest and creepiest, honestly, but I see it as the bravest part of my body as well.

Covered with dark stretch and scratch marks, the incision isn’t very visible. It looks just like a thin line couple of inches below the belly button. Does it hurt? No. But most of the time, I’m scared it’ll hurt.

They say I’m lucky my OB was good. (I mean great!) I was well taken care of, I was constantly reminded that everything will be fine, I was guided on the dos and don’ts, and she made the cut lower than usual so I can still wear my bikinis. Yeah, one supportive doctor on my travels and “awra” and “rampa“.

I never thought I could handle an operation like that, or a wound like that. Yes, it was my first time. I didn’t care about the scar, I was worried about the pain. I was (and am) worried that if I move or dance like I danced before (playing Shakira’s song), the cut’ll open and all my insides will come out. (Lol wild imaginations.) Even until now, I don’t actually care how ugly it looks like. I even am planning to wear my two-piece if only I can go out for summer.

They say the marks will fade. Especially with the butter I was using. The thing is I stopped. Sobrang nakakatamad kasi. Instead of spending minutes spreading butter on your bread-like skin, itutulog ko nalang. But who knows? I’m still on post partum mood swings. Maybe months later I’ll care. Lol.

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